Six Awful Pro-Wrestling Deaths

Feature

by Pedro L. Vega

Pro-wrestlers dying young or in sketchy circumstances is sadly not uncommon. Many pro-wrestlers, managers and valets over the years have died before their time, mostly from drug overdoses or health complications caused by long-time drug and steroid use. But some wrestling deaths have been so shocking or unexpected that they stand out from the rest. Here are six of the worst cases...

1. Chris & Nancy Benoit

Probably the best known and most infamous wrestling related death. In June of 2007, Chris Benoit -- until then one of the most respected and admired figures in the business -- killed his wife and former wrestling valet Nancy Benoit (aka "Woman", and formerly Nancy Sullivan) by strangulation in their Georgia home. Sometime within the next couple of days, Benoit also strangled and killed his seven-year-old son, Daniel. A copy of the Bible was left next to each body. Within three days of the murders, Benoit comitted suicide by hanging himself using a weight machine in his home. Chris Benoit was known for his work ethic, and after missing a few WWE shows, police went to the house to conduct a welfare check, which is when the bodies were found. It is believed that the murders were the result of brain damage Chris Benoit suffered after years of performing high-impact wrestling moves, which led to a form of dementia. Tests conducted on the deceased wrestler's brain by West Virginia University indicated that "Benoit's brain was so severely damaged it resembled the brain of an 85-year old Alzheimer's patient."

2. Bruiser Brody

Frank Goodish was a large, maniacal brawler who became famous as Bruiser Brody. While he was a big fan favorite, his difficulty in working with others and following direction led him to bounce around from promotion to promotion. In the 80s, he found himself working a lot for Puerto Rico's World Wrestling Council. Before a show in the island in 1988, fellow wrestler Jose Gonzalez (better known as Invader I), lured Brody into one of the shower stalls, and stabbed him in the abdomen. Bruiser died shortly after in a hospital. Several wrestlers were in the same dressing room when the stabbing happened (Tony Atlas and Dutch Mantell, among others), but there seemed to be no eyewitnesses to the actual moment when Brody was stabbed. When time for Gonzalez's trial came, key witnesses either refused to testify or were not notified on time as to when to show up in court. Gonzalez claimed self-defense and was acquitted. He never spoke about the killing, and the exact motive for the stabbing remains unknown. Some blame pro-wrestling's code of secrecy for the lack of answers surrounding the incident.

3. Owen Hart

Canadian wrestler Owen Hart (brother of Bret Hart) played semi-comedic masked character 'The Blue Blazer' in 1999, and his character was scheduled to make a big entrance at the Over The Edge pay-per-view in Kansas City, Missouri that May. Hart was to have been lowered into the ring via a harness attached to a metal cable during the live PPV. As he was about to be lowered, a movement made by Hart may have triggered a quick release mechanism in the harness, which sent the wrestler plummeting 78 feet down to the ring in front of thousands of confused and horrified fans. The incident did not make it on air, but the show controversially went on after Hart was removed from the ring and taken to a hospital. He died of blunt force trauma and internal bleeding at age 34.

4. The Von Erichs

The Von Erich family (not their real name) was a legendary pro-wrestling real-life family from the Dallas, Texas area, led by patriarch Fritz. The Von Erichs, despite their fame and success, seemed to be cursed. Son David died in 1984 of enteritis in a Japanese hospital, although it has long been rumored he died of a drug overdose. Another son (and reluctant wrestler), Mike Von Erich, suffered from Toxic Shock Syndrome after a surgery. The illness debilitated him and greatly reduced his in-ring abilities. He had to retire from wrestling altogether, and killed himself by overdosing on tranquilizers in 1987. In 1991, Fritz Von Erich's youngest son, Chris, committed suicide by shooting himself, after years of being frustrated by his lack of success in wrestling and being depressed over Mike's death. And in 1993, Kerry Von Erich killed himself via a gunshot to the heart, after years of personal disappointments and a serious motorcycle accident that robbed him of one foot and led to him becoming addicted to painkillers. The family's seemingly bright future as a wrestling powerhouse was cut down by tragedy, again and again.

5. Dino Bravo

Canadian wrestler and former WWF tag team champion Dino Bravo was apparently involved in illegal cigarette smuggling, besides his wrestling career. He was also the nephew (through marriage) of a notorious Quebec mafia figure. At some point, Bravo may have crossed someone in the mob, or intruded on somebody's illegal cigarette sales territory. Whatever the case, the hulking wrestler was brutally gunned down at his Quebec home by unknown assailants as he watched hockey on TV. The 44-year-old was hit by 17 bullets, 7 of them to the head. The murder remains unsolved to this day.

6. Rikidozan

Korean-born Japanese legend Rikidozan is one of the founding fathers of Japanese pro-wrestling, which he helped popularize after a career in sumo wrestling. While partying in a Tokyo nightclub in 1963, Rikidozan was stabbed with a urine-soaked knife by a member of the Yakuza. For one reason or another, the wrestler did not receive medical care right away, and he died of peritonitis in a hospital one week later. While the cause of the attack was never uncovered with any certainty, it was rumored that the stabbing was revenge for a match in which Rikidozan kicked wrestler Masahiro Kimura "for real", presumably causing the mob some kind of gambling-related monetary loss.

Enough Is Enough: Kill The Criminals

Commentary

by Pedro L. Vega

Puerto Rico's murder rate, after a dip in 2015, has been rising again since

last year, when it hit 20 homicides per 100,00 people. While this rate is st-

ill below that of insane hellholes like El Salvador, Honduras or Brazil, it is

much higher than the United State's national average of 5.3 per 100,000 in 

2016. As the economic situation in Puerto Rico worsens, I think it's safe to

assume that the violent crime situation will also worsen. You would think
that since Puerto Ricans are leaving the island in droves, that that would lo-
wer the crime numbers, but that never seems to happen. The numbers may
ebb and flow, but Boricuas have been fleeing to the mainland US for several
years now, and the murder rate remains stubbornly high. While measures like 

legalizing drugs would help drive crime down immensely, I doubt that that 

would be enough. We need a strong deterrent to make criminals think twice 

before carrying out a barbaric act. We need to bring back the death penalty.

Puerto Rico abolished capital punishment in 1929, starting a long period of
giving murderers and other scum the privilege of getting free housing, 

meals and healthcare for years or decades as a reward for being drains on so-

ciety. Since then, deadly violence in our land has become our daily bread. Ho-

rrific murders of men, women and children make the news almost every day, 

and while many are related to the drug trade, not all of them are. Some are so-

called crimes of passion, some happen as a result of arguments, some are the 

result of robberies. In some cases, people seem to be killed just for the hell 

of it. Regardless of the motive, Puerto Rico's law abiding majority deserves 

to feel safe, anywhere and at any time. Reinstituting the death penalty is 

not just a matter of removing dangerous maniacs from our society, but also 

of administering justice, of giving evildoers what they deserve. And they do

not deserve to live, even if  it's in prison.

For a long time now, it seems as if we worry more about the rights of crimi-
nals than about the rights of victims, to say nothing of the right all law-abi-
ding citizens have to walk the streets in safety. Why should criminals be
allowed to vote? And why shouldn't prison inmates be forced to work in
exchange for the generous support taxpayers give them? And more impor-
tantly, why should those who have taken the lives of others be allowed to
keep their own lives? They certainly shouldn't be allowed to roam the
streets ever again, at the very least. But in an island that is as broke as
Puerto Rico is, can we afford to support criminals for their whole lives?

While our justice system needs to do everything possible to avoid punishing 

innocent people, the guilty must be removed from our midst. Whether they 

had bad childhoods, or their spouse cheated on them or they have "mental pr-

oblems": too bad. Kill them. I don't care how it's done: shoot them, gas them, 

hang them, burn them, electrocute them, poison them. Just get rid of this sub-

human garbage.  We have had enough.

Pedro L. Vega is a freelance writer from Puerto Rico. The opinions expressed in the 

preceding commentary are solely those of the author and do not represent those of 

The Puerto Rico Monitor, its editors or advertisers.

Nine of the Worst Cheap American Beers

Feature

Pedro Vega

As a dedicated middle class drunk, I have had ample opportunity to become acquainted with many less-than-expensive malted alcoholic beverages. In other words, I've gotten drunk on a lot of cheap beer and malt liquor. Sometimes I still do from time to time, although these days I can afford decent booze and don't need to slum too much. I still know what I know, though, so I thought I'd share my opinion on nice nauseating beverages which you may or may not be familiar with.

1. Natural Light

It wouldn't make any sense to start this list with
anything BUT Natural Light, the most high-profile
and most widely available of the cheap-ass beers
in the U.S. "Natty Light" is made by mega-corporation
Anheuser-Busch, providing us with yet another
example of the evils of corporate capitalism. Natty
Light's alcohol level is actually a bit below
the average of most mass-market pale lager beers
(the average is 5%; Natural Light is 4.4%). And yet,
this swill can pack a punch, especially if you haven't
developed a taste (or tolerance) for it. It can be
surprisingly smooth and it has only 95 calories per
serving, which is pretty decent. But it's still cheaply
brewed crap, so if you have more than 3 or 4 of these,
prepare for nasty headaches the next day. I used to
drink this fairly regularly in my poorer days, then
stopped for a while. The other day I bought a 12-pack
for old time's sake. After 2 cans, I felt like taking a
4-hour nap. At 32, I'm already too old to drink this
shit. If you're college-age, though, you probably
live on this garbage. Okay, if you're college age and
so poor you eat out of dumpsters.

2. Red Dog

Ugh. Jesus.

Red Dog is made by Plank Road Brewery (which is really
Miller, but they would rather not associate their main
brand with this liquid feces). It is around 5% alcohol,
and it is bitter and somewhat harsh. In my experience, the
hangovers from it are actually not all that bad. That's
probably because I never managed to drink more than one
or two. I'm not entirely sure that's it NOT made from
dog piss. No, that would be an improvement. If you have
to drink this, make sure it's very cold.

3. St. Ides

This is the first malt liquor on our list. And with good
reason, as it boasts 8% alcohol. I first became acquainted
with St. Ides about 15 years ago when I was living in New
York City. I was passing a convenience store on my way
home from work late one night and saw a poster advertising
a 40oz bottle of this sh*t for 99 cents. So I figured,
why not? Why not indeed. It tasted like someone dropped
a shot glass of beer into a bucket filled with kerosene.
I was so f****d up when I was done I passed out. The next
day, I woke up thinking that maybe I had leukemia or Lou
Gherig's Disease, or something. I was achy, irritable
and dehydrated. That's all you need to know about St.
Ides. Also, Ice Cube used to endorse it.

4. Pearl Light

Pearl Light is unique among the beers on this list in that I could not get drunk on it. I bought a 12-pack of this stuff years ago and halfway through drinking it, I realized, much to my horror, that I didn't even have a buzz. Pearl Light used to be brewed by Pabst, but is now contracted out to Miller. Not much else I can say about this "beer". Apparently, it has a long history in Texas.

5. Steel Reserve High Gravity

I drank Steel Reserve only once, I believe. A lot of
people drank it once. I remember drinking a couple
of 16 ounce cans of this stuff a while back, and
felt dizzy and weird almost immediately. Usually
a beer buzz is pleasurable, but sometimes it's
uncomfortable and strange. And it's not just me.
A former co-worker, who is about 6 feet tall and
weighed close to 300 lbs, told me he once downed
a can of Steel Reserve while sitting, then stood
up and the room started spinning around. And he was
the kind of guy who had a good tolerance for
alcohol, too. It still ambushed him and kicked
his goddamn ass. Steel Reserve is labeled as 8%
alcohol (in most states) and is made by...wait for it!
...Miller. This is their third entry on this list.
Sadly, it won't be their last.

6. Milwaukee's Best Light

Milwaukee's...Best?? BEST?!? I would really hate to
have to sample Milwaukee's worst. I would get a couple
of 32oz cans at the store for a dollar each a few
years ago. I was obviously going through hard times
if I was drinking this sewage. It is thin, watery
and very carbonated. If you're a high schooler or
broke-ass college student, this beer probably seems
like a pretty good deal. And I suppose it is a good
deal for what it is. Which is trash. To its credit,
after downing 64 ounces of this at a time, I didn't
feel like I was going to die. I just felt like I'd
wasted my time. Oh, and by the way, know who makes
this? F****G MILLER.

7. Bud Ice

Made by Anheuser-Busch. 5.5% alcohol. Comes in a
40oz bottle. Tastes like anti-freeze. Bad hangovers.
Avoid.

8. Olde English

Ahh, Olde English. Just about everyone I know seems to have a story about Olde English, usually involving vandalism, fistfights, the police, sexual assault and/or vomiting. I haven't had this swill in years, and God willing, I will never again drink it. "Regular" Olde English is about 6% alcohol, although other varieties of it go as high as 8%. Out of all the malt liquors out there, this one seems to be the one that most white people will drink, if they drink any malt liquor at all. I'm not sure why that is. My memory of drinking it is that it started out smooth, then tasted a bit harsher and then...well, I can't remember. Oh, and guess who makes it? It starts with an M and ends in an R, and rhymes with "killer".

9. Busch

As the name suggests, this is brewed by the mother
f*****s at Anheuser-Busch. Think Budweiser is boring
and tasteless? Try this stuff. It'll make drinking Bud
Light feel like an orgy of flavor is going on in your
mouth. While it's certainly cheap, it's not the kind of
beer that will give you a decent buzz, even after 3
or 4 of them. The taste is not any worse than say,
Natural Light, but if you're going to be cheap anyway,
just buy f*****g Natural Light. Actually, if Natty
Light is a 19-year old frat boy, Busch could very
well be its balding, beer-bellied 47-year old dad.
Same genetics, just slower and lamer.

The Seven Lamest Comic Book Superheroes

by Bill Alvarez

Since comic book super heroes emerged in the 1930s, hundreds of them have been created. Many of them, however, haven't been worth the cheap paper they've been printed on. Crappy powers, bad characterization, stupid costumes: these and other things have made certain heroes laughingstocks rather than objects of inspiration. Here's seven of the heroes I've found to be the worst, in no particular order.

A lot cooler when you were 6. | Source

1. Aquaman

1st Appearance: More Fun Comics #73 (1941)

Of course the first entry on this list is freaking Aquaman, a superhero so full of suckness that it's hard to find someone who won't make fun of him. While Aquaman wasn't the first water-borne hero (that "honor" goes to Namor The Submariner), he is by far the best-known one. His longevity and name recognition have long baffled me, as his crappiness is so apparent. Everything about him sucks: his crappy powers (such as talking to fish, generic super strength...and uh...well...umm...), his stupid orange shirt, his cardboard-box personality and his uninspiring, nobody villains. Of all the superheroes that have faded into obscurity since 1941, could Aquaman seriously not have been one of them? WHY?

I command you to...pay attention to me! |Source

2. Doctor Druid

1st Appearance: Amazing Adventures #1 (1961)

Doctor Druid was first known as Doctor Droom (I know...Droom? Whatever).He has the distinction of being Marvel Comics' first "Silver Age"(meaning, 1960s) super-hero, predating the first appearance of the Fantastic Four by several months. He also happened to suck major ass. At first he was a sort of monster hunter, then disappeared until the mid-70s, which is when he was renamed. He was then given mystical/mental powers and was eventually made a member of the Avengers, where he filled the role of the team's resident old, balding fat-ass. Despite all his powers, Doctor Druid lacked one major ability: the power to make comic-book readers give a crap about him.

Nice BDSM outfit. | Source

3. Wildcat

1st Appearance: Sensation Comics #1 (1942)

Wildcat is boxer Ted Grant. When his mentor got killed by some crooks using a poisoned boxing glove, he decided to wear a cat costume and fight crime. He didn't have a any powers. But, you know, he was pretty strong. I mean, Batman didn't have any powers, right? Yep. Strong guy in a cat suit. Sort of like a male Catwoman. Except much less interesting. Certainly not as hot. I wonder if he poops in a sandbox.

Put all the pieces together and you get a super-shitty hero. | Source

4. Jigsaw

1st Appearance: Jigsaw #1 (1966)

I actually used to own a copy of Jigsaw #1, which was published by Harvey Comics, a company better known for Richie Rich and Casper. I wish I still had that comic, if only so I could again bask in its title character's unabashed crappiness. Jigsaw was an astronaut, Gary Jason, whose ship got all f'd up. Some aliens rescued him and repaired his badly injured body. Apparently, the alien's idea of "repair" involved making him look like a human jigsaw puzzle (or more like a human puddle of vomit). Old Gary could now stretch and had super-strength. So he was basically a poor man's version of Plastic-Man. PLASTIC-MAN. Think about that for a bit. Jigsaw's comic lasted for a whopping two issues. Two issues too long.

Still Ditko's least annoying character. |Source

5. Squirrel Girl

1st Appearance: Marvel Super-Heroes Vol. 2, #8 (1992)

As a teenager, I remember reading Squirrel Girl's first appearance, in which she defeated no other than Doctor Doom, and thinking of three letters: W, T and F. Squirrel Girl's main power is to talk to squirrels and get them to do things (she also has squirrel-like abilities). Despite her extremely underwhelming powers, she's defeated not just the mighty Doom, but also Thanos, Deadpool and The Mandarin. Maybe this was Marvel Comics' idea of a cute joke or something. Well, Marvel Comics, may I kindly invite you to go to hell? Thanks.

This comic was on whatever the opposite of steroids is. | Source

6. NFL Superpro

1st Appearance: NFL Superpro Special Edition #1 (1991)

Oh, sweet Jesus. Okay, let's see if I can get through this one without blowing my brains out. NFL Superpro is Phil Grayfield, a former NFL player who survives some weird accident involving chemicals (well, it was either that or radiation) and becomes some sort of super-powered football player. He had his own comic book series for a few months, but the stories were so horrifically bad --and the character so poorly conceived-- that it didn't last long. The writer who came up with this monstrosity ended up admitting that he only worked on NFL Superpro so that he could get free NFL game tickets. The whole idea was nothing more than a marketing ploy for the NFL. Shame on Marvel Comics for sinking this low. After this, even prostitution seems like an honorable profession in comparison with such selling out.

"Maybe this crook won't see me even though I'm the size of a G.I. Joe." | Source

7. Doll Man

1st Appearance: Feature Comics #27 (1939)

Doll Man is a scientist who invents a formula that makes him tiny, but leaves him with the strength of a full-sized man, much like The Atom -- although Doll Man came first. He also came first at being a complete waste of time. Let's face it, any hero whose main power is to be tiny is never going to be taken seriously. At least The Atom could shrink to sub-atomic size, but Doll Man could only shrink to the size of an action figure, making him pretty useless. Sadly enough, Doll Man was created by the legendary Will Eisner, making this his worst, most embarrassing creation. Luckily for Eisner, hardly anyone remembers or gives a crap about this tiny failure.

A Brief Look At Political Third Parties In The U.S.

Feature

by Pedro Vega

For a good deal of American history, the nation's politics have been controlled by two parties: the Democrats and the Republicans. Most people assume this is really all there is, but they couldn't be more wrong. The United States is home to a whole host of "third" political parties covering a wide ideological range. While many people consider third party voting to be a "wasted vote", the current state of the country under the rule of the usual two parties makes one wonder if a vote for either D's or R's might not be an even bigger waste. Below we highlight some of the more notable third political parties in the United States:

Libertarian Party

Traditionally billing itself as "America's Largest Third Party" (they are indeed #3, as far as number of party members), this fiscally conservative/ socially liberal party was founded in the Colorado home of activist David Nolan in 1971. The LP supports privatizing many government services, including Social Security, and lowering or eliminating taxation wherever possible. They are also known for opposing criminalization of drugs, prostitution and gambling, and have long been for gay marriage and generally against war, foreign intervention and foreign aid. The LP's membership is often split on the issue of abortion. Their biggest presidential vote-getter has been former New Mexico Governor Gary Johnson, with almost 1.3 million votes. They have organizations in most states and 144 Libertarians hold office across the country, mostly at the local level (as of fall 2014). Their website can be found at www.lp.org.

Green Party

This left-leaning party was inspired by the Green parties which were formed in Europe and Australia in the late 1970s. The modern Green Party of the US spun-off from a less formal group which formed in 1984 (eclipsing the rival and somewhat more radical Greens/Green Party USA), with the actual Party forming in 1991. The Green Party has as some of its central tenets ideas like participatory democracy, caring for the environment, opposition to war, gender and racial equality and social/economic justice. Their most successful candidate for President has been Ralph Nader, who was accused of tilting the election in favor of George W Bush in 2000, after receiving 2,882,955 total popular votes. The Greens have organizations in almost every state, with a few exceptions, such as Alabama, Indiana and Wyoming. The party counts with 131 office holders across the U.S. as of fall 2014, mostly in local and county positions. The Green Party's 2012 Presidential nominee, Dr. Jill Stein, garnered 469,628 votes in 2012. Their website is at www.gp.org.

Constitution Party

A heavily right-wing party founded by conservative activist Howard Phillips in 1992, the Constitution Party started out with the name U.S. Taxpayer's Party, which it kept until 1999 (some state affiliates operate under completely different names). Constitutionalists are for abolishing the income tax and getting rid of Social Security, and have a generally non - interventionist view on foreign policy. They are also anti-abortion, anti-gambling, anti- pornography, anti-gay marriage and heavily biased towards Christianity. They are supporters of gun rights and increased controls on immigration into the United States. Some major political figures have flirted with the CP over the years, and former GOP Congressman Tom Tancredo ran for Governor of Colorado in 2010 under their ticket, garnering almost 37% of the vote. Their 2012 Presidential nominee was former Republican Congressman Virgil Goode, who received 122,388 votes. Their biggest vote-getter has been the Ron Paul-endorsed radio host Chuck Baldwin, who got 199,750 votes in 2008. Their website is at www.constitutionparty.com.

Socialist Alternative

A Trotskyist-leaning democratic socialist party started under the name Labor Militant in 1986, they are fairly active and succeeded in getting economics professor Kshama Sawant elected to the Seattle City Council in 2013. Their platform includes ideas such as: nationalizing the top 500 corporations in the country, creating more living-wage unionized jobs, instituting public universal health care, slashing the military budget, fighting discrimination and police brutality, among many others. Socialist Alternative has been involved in many broad left-wing campaigns, such as Occupy Wall Street. They seem to not have run any Presidential candidates as of yet, and it is unknown if they will be running anyone in 2016 (they have supported Ralph Nader's Presidential runs in the past). Their focus seems to be more on local races. Their website is at www.socialistalternative.org.

Modern Whig Party

This centrist, military-oriented political party was founded in 2007, and claims to have over
25,000 supporters. According to its website "...among its founding members were Afghanistan and Iraq war veterans dissatisfied with the deep ideological divide between the Republican and Democratic parties." The Whigs' six-tenet philosophy consists of "fiscal responsibility, energy independence, education /scientific advancement, states' rights, social progression and veteran's affairs". In 2013, the party succeeded in getting Robert Bucholz elected as Judge of Election for the Fifth Division in Philadelphia, making him the Whigs' second elected officeholder. They have chapters in a few states, and have a website at www.modernwhig.org. T.J. O'Hara was their Presidential nominee in 2012, but doesn't seem to have been on the ballot in any state.